Change | Home Again
I've been home for about a a month now, and I've got to say it feels great. Sleeping in a bed that feels like my own, being surrounded by family and friends. It's less lonely than being at school where it's every man for themselves.
So many things have changed since I've been home; everyone's gotten older, my neighborhood has streetlights now and, for some reason, the carpet in my living room is gone.There are new places to visit in the city now, new foods to try. The movie theater has been bringing some of the newer movies now, some of which I really want to go watch.
With all these changes, I find it hard to see the change in myself - aside from the physical. My personality hasn’t changed at all. I had huge expectations for going to college. I wanted college to be the place where I'd break out of my social anxiety cocoon and become a confident social butterfly, but that didn't happen. Of course it didn't!
College isn't some magical place where things happen to you. I've learned that in the one semester that I've been there. I spent a good part of this first semester away, beating myself up for not putting myself out there more. It's a new place, full of new people who might be interesting, so I should want to get to know them. I did want to get to know them. Instead of getting to know people, I studied my butt off and kept out of the way of others.
I didn't put myself out there, because that's not who I am. I'm perfectly fine with not being seen. I'm that one quiet girl who talks in class, but isn't close to anyone in that class. And that's okay. I have all of 4 years in this college to make friends and start breaking out of my shell. Everything doesn't need to come right away.
Change is a gradual thing. I've realized that now. I don't need to force myself to start going out more. I don't need to force myself into situations where I know I'll be unhappy because I think it's "part of the college experience." I just need to be me.
And this is really cheesy, but Being you is the best thing that you can do in college. Keep to your morals, and your habits. College is a time for finding yourself, yes, but that doesn't mean that you lose yourself in the process..
So I will be taking this next semester in stride. I'll try not to beat myself up for not exceeding my own expectations, and I'll definitely get to know new people. Most of all, I'll just be myself.
- Chey.
